I wannas sexs uuuuu
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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