you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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