i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
