my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
