I think i sorta joined a cult last night
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
