Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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