Your face is a jimmy john
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I will die if light touches me.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
