i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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