Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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