doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
