so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
