Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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