is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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