I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
