Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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