i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
