Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
