I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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