That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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