My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
