just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
