You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
