Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
