Say something about gay babies.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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