found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
