I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
