I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
