I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
