we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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