Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Randomize
