Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
