woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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