I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
