My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
