Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i just google imaged poop.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
