Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
