Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
