we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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