How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
