Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
