discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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