And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
