Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
