He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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