My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
