It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
