There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
