it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
