Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
