Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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