Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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