how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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