and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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