I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
